Relish12.27, 12.28, 12.29, 12.30 & 12.31!

8 Feb

Last one!

Relish12 Day Twenty Seven: What we choose…

This is what I chose, where I chose to fall and I thought it might have been the curved walls and the curved doorways but really it was this, the curved branches that spoke of shelter and softness even in the roar of winter’s empty spaces.  This is what I chose when I could have chosen anything.  This is what I choose when the vast array of choices opens up to me and whispers that this is now my life.  This year I embraced this neighbourhood, this street and the trees that envelope me as whispered leaves remind me in their quiet sway that this … this.  This is all I ever need. Show me the beauty of your choosing, what it is that you have embraced this year that made you feel gratitude for your life.

I chose not to give up.

In a year of breaking, it would be easy to just let go of everything important. It would be easy to allow all of my relationships to degrade to an un-repairable point. It would be easy to wither away and become a haunted wraith.

I chose not to give up. There were important, outside catalysts heavily involved in that choice, but I still made the final choice. I have hurt people I care about and I have been hurt this year, but no insurmountable damage has been done. It happens with breaking, sometimes the pieces are just too small to put back together properly. You will come back together, if you want to, but it’ll never be the same. Something’s gotta give.

 

Relish12 Day Twenty Eight: Favourite flavour….

Sometimes I get started thinking about food while lying in bed, though I am no cook, and I literally can’t sleep at night. There is something about experiencing it all; the textures, the scents, the satisfaction… it’s a magic that defies explanation really. Torture me now with tales of the foods you’ve savoured this year… What were your favourite flavours? Why?

The portabella tagliolini from local Mediterranean restaurant Cimo will always be a favourite. Homemade pasta, prosciutto, peas, and portabella mushrooms in a bath of creamy, rich white sauce, topped with pea shoots. It’s one of those perfect comfort foods. I always go into this meal thinking that I will only eat half of it, because the serving is a perfect size for two meals, and I almost always leave without a doggy bag, because it’s sinfully amazing and just too awesome not to eat in one sitting.

That cupcake I mentioned earlier, too. Chocolate cake with a mocha icing, caramel drizzle and a sprinkle of sea salt. I had always scoffed at the notion of salt on dessert, but I figured I should give it a try before completely condemning it. Again: Wow! Oh Universe, you are a savvy host.

 

Relish12 Day Twenty Nine: See yourself differently…

I couldn’t agree more with the little bit of art. How you see yourself is everything. Where this year did you begin to see yourself differently? What are the words you’d no longer use to describe yourself? What are your new favourite descriptors?

It has only been in the last few months, this year, that I have begun to see myself differently. After I made the choice to get better and to let it go.

I no longer want to use doormat, weak, bitch (okay MAYBE I’ll keep that one), procrastinator, irrational or unattractive to describe myself. I no longer want to think of myself so negatively. I no longer want to hold myself back because I’ve made mistakes and feel I need to be punished for them. I want to use words like: creative, dynamic, motivated, alive and happy. I’d also like to use the phrase: I [am] a badass mother who won’t take no crap off of nobody.

 

Relish12 Day Thirty: Up your game…

If you don’t take risks, you can’t reap rewards. If you don’t stretch, you don’t grow. If you don’t challenge yourself, you can never realize just how powerful, capable, and incredible you are. Where in the last twelve months did you up your game? And if looking back now you don’t really feel you have, that’s ok. You’ve got a clean slate coming up: what risks & challenges will you choose for yourself next year?

Just as I have started to see myself in a different light, I have upped my game in the last few, very recent months. It has upped in terms of my trying harder for self-acceptance. I have started to relax a bit more about a few things. And, because of that (I think), I have been having more creative ideas in the last few weeks than I had all of last year, despite my successful artistic endeavours.

And now, I intend to up it further. I want to implement that morning schedule that does not include Facebook and Netflix. I want to pursue my 2013 goal of having at least half of something substantial (read: novel-sized) written. I want to continue to walk away from anyone or anything that no longer serves me, grows me, or makes me happy.

233

(Image @ Laws of Modern Man)

Relish12 Day Thirty One: What’s the reason?

Through each meander of my life I have always been able to look back and deduce what benefit I reaped from that period of time, the decisions I made, the experiences that found me. Sometimes it was a cherished new friendship, valuable new skills, or simply the inspiration of it all that changed me, and this path I’m on, forever. There is simply no waste or mistake in this life; we can harvest from every part of it some aspect to be grateful for. There is always a reason for what we endure, sometimes we just have to dig a little to find it. What was your “reason” for this year? When you look back in twenty years what will stand out as the reason you had to live this year before you could embark on all the rest?

Knowledge. This is another “let’s not beat a dead horse, Vyx” moment, but I live to seek knowledge.

I had to live this year before I could embark on the rest of my life because I had to recognize my own importance. To myself.

I am worth it. My feelings are valid. Some events and relationships are not worth the heartache and that’s okay. I deserve to experience my dreams, to really live and to be happy.

I had to question my relationships, my career, my creative desires and accomplishments and then I had to doubt just about everything in my life before I could take that first step forward. Before I could believe in myself, I had to lose all faith in myself. This isn’t everyone’s route, but I’m a big fan of throwing all my chips on the table. It’s just not as much fun if you don’t have absolutely everything to lose.

It was a good gamble.

Meatloaf – You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth

UNT.

Advertisements

2 Responses to “Relish12.27, 12.28, 12.29, 12.30 & 12.31!”

  1. denielle February 8, 2013 at 9:53 am #

    you really are a badass mother 🙂

  2. Vicki February 9, 2013 at 5:40 am #

    “Once again, Man!!! (Pronounced “Mon”) 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: