Wendy, I’m home.

25 Feb

Okay then.

It’s been three-ish months since I was last here.  In that time: I lost one of my life’s greatest heroes, dove head-first into some pretty impressive depression, fought with a decision, took a business trip that helped to clear some mental cobwebs, started to decide on that decision and vowed to live a more positive life.  I was bogged down and completely blocked.  In order to not fade away I made the decision to start working on some things.  First, I cut some stress.  Writing.  I cut writing.  I put so much stock into being a “writer” that I worked myself into a ridiculous frenzy about.  I sat, for hours, staring at a blank Word document.  I had no idea why I was even sitting down to write any more.  So I stopped.  (I appreciate your patience on that one, by the way.)  While I was not writing I made another decision: to live a more positive life.  I hate the way I look naked.  Hate it.  So, instead of cringing whenever I look in a mirror for the rest of my life I vowed to change some things.  I walk at least six days out of every seven and I’ve started tracking my food intake in a journal – it’s amazing the amount of junk you won’t eat when you know you have to admit to it.  So far? I’ve noticed some change and that makes me happy.  It’s not ridiculous and not a lot really needs to be done, but the fact that I’m no longer a slave to my cravings and I’m getting out and actually doing something about unhappiness has been a great thing for my mental state.  I also took a page out of the book of a close friend (and another of my life’s heroes) and started a gratitude journal.  This has been fantastic.  I write down a minimum of five things that I’m thankful for every evening, before bed.  Five things.  A pittance.  And it could be anything!  I can be thankful for the health and well-being of my loved ones at the same time as I am thankful that Starbucks still serves a mean vanilla latté (with non-fat milk . . . if we’re keeping track).  It’s a small thing, it takes almost no time at all, and it really starts to put things into perspective and helps with your daily frame of mind – I highly recommend it.

When I started to come back to myself, especially in terms of writing, I asked The Boss (at Books & Co.) if I could write for him again.  Not the weekly email, not regular blogging and nothing for compensation, but for fun.  For the challenge of reviewing books.  He said yes (because he is a terribly lovely person).  I’ve been working, for about three weeks, on my first review.  It’s taking a long time, but I’ve made peace with that.  I’ve been busy with work, I’m three months used to not writing, and I am really out of practice.  I think I’m finally finished though and that’s a cool feeling.  I have to make a final edit, but it’s nice to have finished something that I started and have it read better today than it did last week.  (I’ll throw it up here after it’s posted there – I wrote the rule book, after all: “3. All submissions must be original in content and must not be previously published elsewhere online.  Books & Co. reserves the right to verify the originality of your work.”)

And hey, life’s not without its little excitements.  When I came home from my business trip this month mephy pitched an idea he had.  A new writing project.  It’s a fantastic idea.  I’m excited about it.  So excited in fact that I can’t stop thinking about it and actually have about six things on my list of things to write!  (I’ll tell you about this one when it launches – no use getting geared for something that’s still just an idea.  You know how I am.)  That’s another really neat thing: being over-the-moon stoked about a writing project.  So much so that I’ve been doing some preliminary reading to research for an idea I had a year ago.  (I’m reading The Exorcist.  Awesome!)

So.  Bad things have happened.  This year has been interesting if nothing else.  But I’m not going to let it bog me down more than it needs to anymore.  I’m going to try really hard not to sit in the passenger seat, or hold on to coat tails.  I need to drive now.

With bitchin’ tunes.

KISS – Domino

UNT.

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7 Responses to “Wendy, I’m home.”

  1. MJ February 25, 2012 at 6:32 pm #

    I love you. ❤ I carry you around in my Kindle everywhere I go (your letter anyway) and I hear you yelling at me "WRITE ME BACK NUTJOB!!" every time I open the cover. LOL So don't think for one moment I have forgotten you. I haven't.

    Now, about your life. 😉 I'm so proud of you. SO SO SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!! On all of it. You sound so much more positive now than you did even a month ago. You've taken control of your life, your food, your attitude. That's AMAZING. I am in awe. Now…to follow your lead. 😉

    • vyxen February 26, 2012 at 11:38 am #

      Well. Yesterday was a good day, I had a difficult time not being positive. 🙂 There are still bad days, they’re just not nearly as bad and I don’t get all consumed by them. So far, so good.

      And yah. You need to write me back. Slacker. 😀

      Also? How can YOU follow MY lead?! YOU are, like, the most positive person on the planet. You’re one of my favourite and most important role models. 🙂 Nerd.

  2. Tracy February 25, 2012 at 8:57 pm #

    Cool beans, I just posted in my blog for the first time in forever today (well apart from all the posts that are the first post in forever posts that never lead to more).

    This one will lead to more, AND as you are still on my roll I noticed you had blogged too 4 hours ago, and so I came here and read this.

    And now I am commenting on it….

    ARRGGHH don’t you hate that moment when literature and real life converge?!

    Obviously I am rusty on blogging and commenting.

    • vyxen February 26, 2012 at 11:39 am #

      I, too, am rusty on commenting and blogging. The commenting is clear in how clever I failed to be when I visited your blog. Yikes.

      I DO hate that moment. It’s a bullshit moment. It MUST BE STOPPED.

      (And I really must get more than four hours of sleep in a morning. This is ridiculous.)

  3. Jason February 26, 2012 at 1:15 pm #

    I’m proud of you, Kim.

    Right, I should probably say more; you know, about how awesome it is that you’re watching what you eat and you’re walking, about the positivity and the fact that everyone sees it or feels it kind of pouring out of you lately, and about your excitement to write again; which makes me all excited too by the way. 🙂 Honestly, though, I really am proud of you, and happy for you, too. 😀 Just remember, happiness and positivity, they’re choices that can be made; as I’m sure you’ve noticed. Keep it up.

    • vyxen February 26, 2012 at 10:10 pm #

      Awh. Hon. *Hug.* Thank you. A lot.

      (I’m all beam-y right now.)

      You’re right, btw. Happiness and positivity are choices. Sure shit happens that we can’t control and some of it’s just bad, but we also make the choice as to how to deal with that. You dictate the path of your life. …if you take the wheel.

      • Jason February 27, 2012 at 10:05 am #

        Exactly! You know, I knew you knew that, most people do on some level, but it’s always nice to see someone acting on it. And really, the true test is how we react under pressure, the choices we make when our back’s to the wall, what we do when no one’s looking, and how we handle the bad things that happen to us.

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