PSA: fucking talk.

5 Jun

I hate communicating.

By nurture, I’m a really big fan of the “let your unhappiness eat away at you until you are a shell of your former self” concept.  I’m also really good at letting my unhappiness eat away at me until I am a shell of my former self.  A bitter, melancholy shell who noms carelessly on (really fucking great) brownies.

Enter mephy.  (Again.)

mephy communicates.  mephy actually communicates really well and damn near holds me at gunpoint until I tell him what’s bothering me, even if he knows he won’t like to hear it.  (I like to be a martyr.)  Obviously today was one of those days when I was forced to talk.  I was getting to that shell-of-my-former-self stage – it would have happened within the week.  Thankfully, my friends are as stubborn as my husband-guy and will tell me not what I want to hear, but what I need to hear, whether I like it or not.  (Thanks MJ – I <heart> you.)

Here’s a tip: talk.

mephy says it.  MJ says it.  Kendra says it.

I hate communicating.  I would love little more than for mephy to be psychic (selectively. . . ) and instinctively know why I’m bothered when I’m bothered.  It’s probably a good thing that this isn’t the case.  I’ve learned so much about communicating in the last ten-ish years.  I’ve learned so much about myself because of that.  Both of these topics of knowledge make me a better me (take that US Army).  I really enjoy to become a better me, it makes me happy to learn and understand more about myself.  It makes mephy happy to have a dynamic, confident and independent (not to mention happy) wife.

I hate communicating, but damn if it isn’t hugely important.

(Apparently today was the day for a PSA – I did not come here to preach, it just worked out that way.)

PCD (feat. will.i.am) – Beep

UNT.

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10 Responses to “PSA: fucking talk.”

  1. C June 5, 2011 at 8:06 pm #

    Heh, I’m the same way. I become so painfully obviously withdrawn, yet when K asks what’s wrong, I find it difficult to talk. I feel foolish for feeling what I feel and have a hard time vocalizing my needs coherently and explaining WHY I feel that way. But after each talk, I feel sooo good and I immediately bounce back to my old self and question myself as to why I didn’t talk sooner.

    I swear, we’re like the same person sometimes.

    • vyxen June 5, 2011 at 8:18 pm #

      Well C, that’s just PART of the reason we get along so well, y’see!

      It’s stupid hey? Even after so many cathartic conversations we STILL bottle up. Our own worst enemy, my friend.

  2. ActiveEvil June 5, 2011 at 8:08 pm #

    In order to have a better life, and have a positive impact on the world – as we all impact it, in our small ways – we need to know ourselves, and we must improve ourselves. We cannot take anything for granted, and we cannot stagnate. You, dear vyxen, are an excellent example of positive progress.

    Only in communicating – whether it be through speech, touch, body language, or action – do we learn, and do we teach. All of us are, and shall always be, both teacher and student. So, your point is excellent, no matter the conflict that may have caused you to arrive at it.

    May all of us be so fortunate to have similar experiences, and so wise to learn from them as you have.

    • vyxen June 5, 2011 at 8:21 pm #

      There’s no point in suffering if you can’t learn, hon.

      I don’t care who argues with it: that which does not kill us makes us stronger.

      But srsly – fuck communication.

      • ActiveEvil June 5, 2011 at 9:33 pm #

        Exactly.

        Everyone will suffer. Those who cannot learn are unfortunate. Those who can are better for it. Those who refuse are simply getting what they deserve.

        I wish I could completely relate to your “fuck communication” sentiment…but I learned (the hard way, as seems the best way) that I must communicate, and have had to try to show that to others. Much like being outgoing, communication is not natural to me, but I have made myself do it.

  3. MJ June 5, 2011 at 9:20 pm #

    I ❤ you too. HARD. Sometimes with bricks. 😉 I dunno where that came from. I'm so glad you did it. Finally :p I was starting to seriously worry. Cause it DOES fester. And you're so amazing I can't stand the thought of you being so torn up as you have been. Nothing says things will change immediately, but I promise they WILL CHANGE. Dan still does things that drive me up the wall, but he has changed and grown SO MUCH in the last 10 years. And I'm so happy I get to be here when he changes more. Because he's always been an amazing man…and it's just gonna get better with time. But change, like making a diamond, it's a slow process. 😉

    • vyxen June 5, 2011 at 9:41 pm #

      I like to wait as much as I like communication.

      But seriously, thank you. 🙂 Not just for being all “/Grrz, just effing do it,” but mostly just for being. 🙂 I don’t like the thought of a me without you. 🙂

  4. Elle June 10, 2011 at 2:23 am #

    I totally get this, I’m terrible at communication when something really annoys me. I get all bottled and withdrawn and then feel worse for being passive-aggressive but still can’t get it out. Ugh.

    Also, Ayla is adorable!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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    […] Post navigation ← PSA: fucking talk. […]

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    […]  I have touched on this before.  (Kendra has touched on this before, too.)  This is the most important aspect of any […]

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