Enter vyxen.

15 May

Due to the phenom that is Ayla I have scheduled no time for extra-curricular activities (she’s WAY too cute and I don’t want to miss things – you can’t blame me, folks).  Because of this, I scoured the depths of my drafts folder to save you from reading more random facts (you don’t care) about me!

Hack the planet.

The first computer my family ever owned was a behemoth creature (named Murphy) that rocked Win3.1.  All of the games we played (read: Privateer), we played from DOS.  Offline.  I was not connected to the worldwideintrawebz (wwi) until I was in my final year of high school.  Even then, my online life was brief – I had a hotmail account and wandered into a chat room, oh, twice.  When I entered my first year of university the family upgraded.  We welcomed a new computer into our lives (Murphy was banished to the basement) and my parents, in their infinite wisdom, decided to subscribe to the internet – via our telephone line.  I’m sure most of you remember those bygone days; dialing up, misfiring, dialing up again, misfiring, dialing up a third time while muttering curses and threats, connecting, loading Napster, waiting 2.75 hours to download a 3.65min song only to have it fail at 97% because you ignored a notification that you were receiving a phone call, but the notification itself disrupted your connection.  Like you, we didn’t stick with dial-up longer than necessary.

After upgrading to intrawebz over the cablevision box I discovered the most nefarious corner of the wwi . . . the chatroom.  ICQ Chat, to be specific.  (Side note: it blows my mind that ICQ Chat still exists.  And with a vengeance, I might add – as soon as I clicked a room I was blasted by terribad NES-esque action music.)  One cannot expect to be “Guest_257” for long, folks.  At a certain point, you have to choose a handle.  You don’t have an identity until you have a handle.  Initially, I was DragonFly.  This left me wanting more, but I was patient enough to let inspiration take its course.

It did.

I can’t tell you when (exactly) I thought it was a good idea, or why, but I can tell you this: vyxen changed my life.

There’s a certain sultriness to the word.  I was young.  I’ve never been the confident pretty girl – always the bookish nerd-type.  Online, though, things are different.  Online there is an element of mystery.  Alluring anonymity.  For someone who’d been a wallflower all her life, the power that came with this new identity was intoxicating.  While I admit I liked the initial reaction of vyxen as the quintessential smouldering bombshell, I was (and still am) swayed more by the “quarrelsome, shrewish, or malicious” side of the (Fox) Force.

vyxen has straightened my shoulders and lifted my chin.  I believe you when you say that the pen is mightier than the sword.  Words have power.

When I was young I was shy.  I saw myself as a duckling.  I was average.

As I grew, I began to step out of my shell.  Socially, psychologically, intellectually and physically I blossomed.  Exposure to life-changing events, new culture and just being able to cultivate my own life, independent of anyone else, changed me – as it does everyone.  Adopting an online personae helped catalyze this evolution.  Initially, vyxen was a mask; a character; an opportunity to be someone I’d never been, but had always wanted to be.  As time moved on I found it less a mask and more me.  I had evolved.  I had absorbed the strengths I had portrayed and donned the identity I once only dreamt of.

Shy little bookworm me was able to cut out a piece of mystery, become shrouded in it and eventually forge an identifiable, comfortable self.

Of course this was not all due to the wwi.  Personal evolution through age, education, personal relationships and life experience played a larger part, but the wwi allowed me an opportunity to dip my toes into the deep end before cannon-balling in.

Huey Lewis and the News – Hip to be Square


PS.  I’m not fucking average.



4 Responses to “Enter vyxen.”

  1. C May 15, 2011 at 9:52 pm #

    “PS. I’m not fucking average.”

    Agreed. 😀

  2. Lightningfall May 16, 2011 at 9:28 am #

    I heard something once that this reminded me of: “We are what we pretend to be.” I’ve always thought that it should be “We become what we pretend to be,” but either way, I think that it applies here.

    • vyxen May 16, 2011 at 12:35 pm #

      I like that and you’re right, it totally applies here.

      I’m going to need to become a great deal more confident and suave here pretty quick . . . maybe I should create a new RPG character and pretend a bit? 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by LF! So, so good to hear from you here! ❤

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