It’s been almost a year since I wrote a Zombie Apocalypse 101 piece for Kendra. (Visit her! See the original posting here, by following the underlined-in-blue road!) I feel (especially after chatting with Jen) that it’s time to bust out the zombie love. Let’s start with this one! (We’ll continue. I fraking love zombies and zombie culture.)
(Image @ Cinematicwallpaper.com)
vyxen’s Guide to Not Dying During the (Impending) Zombie Apocalypse!
How not to die by zombies.
It’s foolish to assume that December 21st 2012 will bring anything but the Zombie Apocalypse. We need to be prepared.
Here are a few things I’m going to start working on so as to thrive in a zombie-ridden world.
10. Don’t believe anything you read on Facebook.
One of the first things I did when I joined Facebook was take a “Would you survive the zombie apocalypse!?” quiz. In the quiz I survived . . . the first day.
9. Become familiar with firearms.
Equip yourself to employ the fourth rule of surviving Zombieland: the doubletap. You can’t ace a zombie with a doubletap if you can’t fire a weapon.
8. Distance yourself from your family and friends.
Let’s face it, they’re apt to be the first wave of the initial stages of the zombie apocalypse. Don’t give them the opportunity. Become a hermit. Now.
7. Camp. Lots.
If you’re an outdoors enthusiast you have a decent stockpile of useful supplies. This is handy. Especially if your camp equipment is tidily and succinctly packed, close at hand for your next adventure. As an added bonus, avid campers can go days without a proper bathroom or shower – this will become necessary.
6. When you have The Doors, who needs zombies?
It’s true. People are strange.
5. Get a dog.
In a world overrun by zombies cats are useless. They’ll leave you in a lurch without a first thought, never mind a second. Dogs have big teeth, are loyal, will bark to announce threat, and with the exception of Sam and the dobies they seem to avoid infection.
4. Confidence is key.
If you think you’re going to die, you’re going to die. The power of positive thinking, folks.
3. Be creative.
While it’s true that a good old fashioned doubletap is an effective means of dispatching the undead, you may not always have loaded gun at hand. Machetes, hedge clippers, and toilet seats are all (confirmed) efficient zombie-killing tools.
2. Don’t panic.
1. Find out where hickok45 lives and go there.
Seriously. This guy will single-handedly stop the impending zombie apocalypse.
Best of luck in 2012, folks.